She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
