Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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