saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
