just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Why is your signature on my underwear?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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