I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
