i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
All I want is dick and wine.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
