Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
