am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you win again, gameday.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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