writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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