I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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