you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
