So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
time to smoke my breakfast
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
As shirtless as possible
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
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