drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
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The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
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Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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