Just fell off a train. Bad.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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