I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
