u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever