He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.