Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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