She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
