why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
