im drinking this country out of the recession.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I FOUND THE LEGS
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
