I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
