i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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