Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
