Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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