his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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