never play flip cup with pint glasses
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
