theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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