I'm lost and stupid without you.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
