I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I wear drunk well.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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