i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
