I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Are we still banned from the library?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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