Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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