I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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