then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
