just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
