Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and you fell through a lawn chair
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize