"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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