Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
