I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
