I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
