I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
