Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
he just fucked me for my cheese.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
A bitchslap is in order.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
