At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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