Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
