An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
