I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
