I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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