...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
