The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
