so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
