The best revenge is premature balding
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
