i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
