i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
