Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
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I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
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We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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