so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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