do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
