Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
literally had 100 drinks last night.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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