there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
