Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
