i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
