guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
