yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
