they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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