did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Four minutes until I can fart!
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Dick very happy bro
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
