Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
