i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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