He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
