one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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