i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
This house was built for laser tag.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
