just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
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he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
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And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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