butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
