Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
this is an emotional support booty call
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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