Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
