**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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