How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
