Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
