The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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