who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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