the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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