I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
